A big Thank You to everyone who commented on the "Exposed" post. In the spirit of full disclosure I have to tell y'all that I almost deleted the sucker about a half dozen times. But screw it, that would've defeated the whole purpose! I was so freaked out by the fact that people I know (and everyone else for that matter) was going to see my body. But guess what, this is me. Right now. I'm never going to have the "perfect" body but I need to love what is mine. And now, if you know me personally, you know what I'd look like if I were to wear a bikini to the next pool party (uh, yeah right).
Anyway, Exposed was an interestingly difficult emotional growth process for me. I've had some really bad moments and some really bad foods the past few days. This evening when I went for my run I was feeling pretty off kilter, but I came back with a clear head.
That's one of the things I love about running (or walking). It gives me time to think. Time to mull. I knew that I needed that time today so I left the ipod at home. I've found that some days I want the music and some days I need the sound of my breathing and my feet pounding the pavement. I needed to think about how once again I'm approaching my goal weight and freaking out. What can I do to push past this fear of success. Why is it that I can't get to my goal? Why am I holding MYSELF back?
While I don't really have an answer, I am just going to keep pushing. I really want to be at goal by the time I run my half marathon. I've also decided that I am going to reward myself with a shopping spree when I hit goal....trust me, this is almost difficult(I'd rather save the money). But, my clothes selection is pretty pitiful at this point. So if I want the new clothes, I gotta do the work. And I need to stay off the scale! I'm back to weighing once or more a day...gack! Not good for the mental health. And let's face it, I'm at a mental roadblock. But I have confidence in myself and my ability to do this. I will fight and claw my way to goal. Somehow my brain will eventually get the message...
Oh, and stay tuned... I will be posting a "now" picture in the side bar soon {we'll see how good my 5 yr old does with the camera}.
6 comments:
You will get there! I believe you can!
x, ash
Wish I could help you push past your mental block, but I do feel confident that you WILL get to where you want to be. And WOW! Your running times are really fantastic. Sub 2 hour goal for your upcoming Half Marathon? AWESOME. Keep up all your hard work.
Nice Picture! You'll get there; it may be taking longer than anticipated, for whatever reason(s), but you'll get there. Everything you need to reach your goal, you have. You've already proved that.
I know what you mean about the shopping spree vs. saving the $$. I"m the same way. That's the reason I first started with the thrift stores...I just recently bought a pair of GAP jeans in brand new condition for $7!M
y husband wants to send me to Nordstroms to buy a "real" pair of jeans - It's going to be hard to pay $100 for a pair of jeans knowing what I can find elsewhere...but, if it makes him happy...I "guess" I can go shopping at Nordstroms:).
Kudos to Tiffany!
It's wonderful that you had the courage to post yourself exposed. It is an inspiration to people. These exposed pictures on people's blogs gives everyone hope that change (particulary physical) is very possible and within reach. It is so great to see how your body has changed. It's quite amazing! You look amazing!
Lalie
I am standing in my own way right now, too. I am right there with you..and wish I had the answer! I am re-focusing on what I eat for the next two months. I have gotten too good at maintaning...when I really still have a couple dozen pounds to ditch before I should be focusing on that! Your pic on the sidebar looks great, by the way! You have done SO WELL and I know you can FINISH STRONG!!!
My 10 am appointment was a no show which messed up my day a bit. BUT..the sun is shining and I think I need a run...out in the sun....that will be good start for me! :)
Hey girl you are looking AMAZING !!! Keep it up you will get there.
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