Wednesday, January 6, 2010

My Bad & My Good

I guess it's time to confess. Last night I slipped up. Me and pizza, we had an encounter... and it wasn't pretty! Analyzing my binge is helping me realize some triggers though. This is not about making excuses either. I chose to put the food in my mouth, no one forced me. As I was shoving food in my mouth I was already mad at myself, but it was almost compulsive. Thankfully, today I actually feel more in control. There have been a few little niggles to "EAT" excessively today, but I am not going to do that to myself. I felt so horrible last night and I don't want to feel that way again anytime soon. So here were some of the triggers....PMS (a big part), being off my normal routine (first the holidays and now hubby is home this week on vacation), waiting too long between meals till I was REALLY hungry, and finally, not stopping when I was full.
The funny thing is, I know the exact second when it turned from eating dinner to a pizza scarfing marathon. I made myself a nice big salad and ate it first before even touching the one piece of pizza on my plate. I got halfway through the piece and felt full. Instead of stopping though, I kept eating. It tasted really good and I hate to leave food on my plate when there are just a few bites left. And then there was something about that overly full feeling that just sent me over and I grabbed another piece, and another (you get the picture). I ate myself sick. Horrible, but true!
I even missed my run last night because I felt so gross. I probably would've thrown up if I'd attempted to run. So I ran tonight instead. I felt like throwing up today too, but for an entirely different reason, because I pushed so hard. And guess what, I set a personal record for myself... 3 miles in 22:42 (that's a 7:33 mile)! I don't know if it was the cold or the fact that I felt the need to pound it out on the pavement. I just kept saying {PUSH,PUSH} and {Gotta make up for the pizza} over and over in my head, and look what it got me, a record time.
Something I realized on my run, last nights' issues are going to make me stronger. It gives me insight to what I can do in the future to avoid going down the bad path. For now, I'm gonna bask in my post-run endorphins. Tomorrow I keep moving forward!


A Bit About Me said...

We are learning aren't we? I personally think for those of us who have had issues w/our weight for a long period (talking YEARS), I think it's extremly important to have moments like you did last night w/ the pizza (p.s: i LOVE a good pizza:). I, for one, DO NOT want to "just" lose the weight... I want, no, I need, for other things to be dealt w/along the way - or what good is it? To fit into that dress or jeans and then gain it all back because the real issues weren't dealt with? Nay, not me, not this time. Maybe if I were 20 yrs.

Didn't mean to make last night bigger than what it is:) Just stating my opinion.

And...for the record I think you're doing fantastic! Good job on the run. You inspire me.

Greta from said...

CRAP that is fast! You NEEDED that pizza to fuel you! (Have you noticed that on days after higher calories/carbs that you exercise better...I sort of notice this..but am trying to ignore it until I get to my goal weight).

Nice damn job on that run. I'm going to call you Speedy Gonzales from now on!!

Greta from said...

Hi Tiffany. Not sure if you will check back on my comments....wanted to tell you that Paleo eating is NOT low carb. Paleo involves fruit...which have a good amount of carbs.

I'm not "very low carbing" it any more. I was doing Paleo minus the fruit for a few weeks there...but did not feel so well on that. :)