Wednesday, June 26, 2013

It's time to LIVE.

I commented on Jess's blog the other day and it got me thinking.  I said something about being tired of being on the "weight loss" train, and that I've been actively trying to lose weight for the past 2+ years (since my daughter was born). I started thinking though and it's really been much longer than that. If I really look hard at my life after the age of 16, I can break it into 3 "zones".

1. Actively trying to lose weight 
2. Rebounding weight gain (and thinking how I've got to start losing again)
3. Pregnant (gaining massive amounts & thinking how I'll lose it, post natal)

I joined Weight Watchers for the first time at 18, but I had already been through at least one "losing" and "rebound" cycle on my own.  And now at 31 I realize I've spent almost half my life up to this point thinking about my weight. If not in an actively "trying to lose weight" cycle, then in an actively "gaining" cycle or pregnant and thinking about how to lose.  W.O.W.  Seriously.

Truth is, I'm tired of trying to lose weight.  

I just want to live my life, without the obsession of trying to lose weight.  

Could I stand to lose a few more pounds? Possibly.

Am I happy in my current place? Yes.

Would my world improve if I lost 7 more pounds? Nope, I really don't think so.

My body, it likes this spot.  It hangs out at 150(ish) without me really trying. I eat. I workout. I live. And my weight stays pretty stable without me thinking about it too much (as long as I'm feeding it well and not going crazy and stuffing my face with junk).

I've been saying I want to maintain this weight for a while, but to be honest it was mostly just talk.  I still had it in my head that I would lose just a few more pounds. Now, after stepping back and looking at the truth of my life thus far, I'm FINALLY feeling like it's okay to maintain this weight. (It really wasn't before...even though I was saying it was). 

The thing is, I really don't know how to live my life "in maintenance".  I guess I'll have to learn!

Living a full, satisfied life sounds good to me! Getting out of the "must lose more weight" mindset is not going to be easy but I need this.  I may change my mind in a month or a year and decide to give it another go, but for now I'm "done", and I'm good with where I am.

I looked through and found some old photos through the years. I thought it would be interesting to see, remember, and share. Some of these pictures make me sad and a little depressed. Looking at the years I've spent bouncing around weight-wise is difficult. It also makes me realize that it's okay maintain here. It made me realize that I have come a long way. I know how to not regain significant  amounts like I used to (we're talking 30+ lbs, not 10). I still have things to work on, I'm not delusional, but I also know what works for me, and how to eat in a way that helps me feel my best. Those are big steps in the right direction! 

Are you ready for a look into the last 14 years? Here goes....

Some of the picture quality stinks, sorry! But, you get the idea...

Obviously, these pictures are not in order.  I just thought you'd like to see a snapshot over the years.

Stay tuned... I'm going to take some new pictures tomorrow, embracing the hard work I've done and happy in the place I am now. 


Jeanette said...

First off - LOVE your wedding dress, how pretty.

Second - if you are happy, healthy and can maintain this weight, it is GREAT to stay there. Better than yo-yoing around!

Sabrina said...

You are definitely in a wonderful spot now!!!!! With all the dedicated work and grit you have put in to getting to this point and all the knowledge you have gained, you can put that into learning what you need to maintain. You are a inspiration to those around you!! Those pictures were a trip down memory lane and I hope that you can see what I see now, a confident, beautiful momma that is setting a good example for her kids. ��

Gwen said...

Yeah, sometimes we just pick an arbitrary number for a 'goal', then get so consumed by that arbitrary number, that we fail to realize when we are actually at a good weight. :)

Blissful Mama said...

I think you've reached your goal.

You look great in the recent pics I have seen since following you (looking forward to the new ones) and if your body is happy to sit around 150 then I agree that you should be happy with that and LIVE.

I hope I am there with you soon - I still have lots of work to do. My story is pretty much like yours up to now - lets hope I can continue to follow your lead.

Blissful Mama said...

Congratulations too! It was a hard slog I know - but you did it!

Tiffany said...

Jeanette- Thanks! Pretty much my thoughts too.
Sabrina- yes, it feels fantastic to be in a good mental spot! Love you sis. You know better than most the struggles over the years...
Gwen- chasing after a number is only making me crazy! I'm done with crazy lol.
Blissful- thank you! Just keep making the positive changes and the rest will come.

nic said...

YES! I am totally in the same boat, inspired a lot by your feedback. It's hard to fight that set point when you also want to enjoy life - and as someone on a similar journey (weight loss focus for 15-20 years), I am also ready to just focus on being healthy and happy without stressing about the scale.

YAY! I'm excited for changes!

Jess @ PaleoJess said...

I absolutely get what you're saying here Tiff! This weekend has really given me time to assess and reflect on the important things. I'm not overweight, yes I'm at the top end of my 'healthy weight' range but that's ok. I'm fit, I'm healthy, I can out run my kids and out lift my brothers so its all good. I had my Grandmother here with my Dad and family, my Grandmother has been on diet for the entire 38 years that my mother has known her....and she looks exactly the same (her hair is greyer and she has some more lines but she looks the same). I don't want to be that person and I don't want my kids growing up with that memory of me just comes down to eating good clean food and being active every day :)