*This post contains some foul language...cause that's the kind of mood I'm in*
Today was HORRIBLE! Pretty much a cluster-fuck. Out of control in almost every single way possible. I need to find a way to cope with emotions instead of turning my day into this downward spiral. Usually I get an inkling of a "bad day" coming but today I just got emotional and I couldn't pull myself together. So I ate, and ate, and ate. I know my hormones are going wacky right now as that TOM draws closer, but I am not using that as a crutch. It is a part of the equation, for sure, but not something that is going away, so I have to figure out how to handle it.
Anyway, I've been in tears multiple times today and I really just need a fucking hug...something my husband doesn't quite understand. He just wants to "fix" it. And, I think he thinks sometimes that I have no right being sad or emotional...he's the one that goes out and works, I'm just the stay at home mommy.
Throw in some inconsideration from other people as well and you get to feeling unliked and just not "cool" enough.... which then brings back lots of old hurts from times past. Like I said... cluster-fuck. What a shitty day!
But, tomorrow morning I have an 8 mile run scheduled which I hope will help my emotional state. My alarm is set, my clothes are set out and I am going whether it's pouring rain or not.
And now, if you've finished reading this, thanks. The mood and tone of this post is not my norm, but I needed the catharsis that writing gives me. Again, thanks. Tomorrow will be better. Time to move forward...
3 comments:
I want to say something but I'm not sure what to say other than I feel your pain!! Hubbies wanting to "fix" us when we are emotional must be in their DNA because it's universal! Just like us women are nurturer's! (What I'm trying to say is-BEEN THERE!).
Also, that was real considerate for you to *warn* us readers of the language-you couldn't help but do that could you? YOu just had to think of us-and you know why? Because you are a caring person Tiffany. You are caring and you are sensitive: this is part of your make-up, it's part of who you are and it's why I'm one of your favorite readers!!!:)
You hang in there girl-I hope it get's better for you soon. And good luck on that run-KICK ASS!
One more thing: Don't hate on yourself because of the over-eating. You don't beat your kids, you don't shoot up herion, and you're not about to jump off a bridge (you may feel like you want to, but you won't-you can't). If the worst thing you've done is eat too many cheetos and honey buns-girl, you're alright.
Your friend, Lucy H.
Your are a kick-ass Mom.....an amazing athlete, a wonderful wife...and a stellar blogger. You rock...and if I lived near you, I'd give you a hug! Here are a couple quotes just for you:
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, the excitement, and the mystery of the world we live in." --Rachel Carlson
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in the bank...but the world may be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child." -- Forest Witchcraft
Awwww, feel better. Tomorrow is a new day. Those 8 miles will set you free! (((((((( ))))))) <--cyber hug
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