I figured out today why I like to run. There are several reasons, but the top three are-1) I can compete against myself and challenge myself to get better, 2) it gets the endorphins flowing, and 3) it gives me time to get inside my head. It's my thinking time. What I want to change, what I want to do next, what I'm frustrated about...etc, etc, etc. Let's face it, as a mom we take care of everyone else first usually. My running time is when I get a mental break from thinking about what everyone else needs and I can think about what I want :0) Mowing the lawn has the same effect for me too. I'm starting to crave the "head time" almost as much as the runners high. But it's a good thing to be introspective. I'm trying really hard to pinpoint my weaknesses so I can fix them.
For instance, Saturday was a 2 bowls of ice cream for breakfast kind of day, followed by anything else unhealthy I could put my hands on. What set off the binge you wonder? I did too. On my long run on Sunday I analyzed. And you know what I figured out? I freaked out because I can fit into 90% of the clothes in my closet, which means I'm getting close to my lowest previous weight from a few years ago. Silly, I know, but that's what touched things off. So what now? Am I just going to let my insecurities rule my life...I DON'T THINK SO! Recognizing and accepting that I am scared to see myself at my goal weight is a big step for me. I cannot control how others see me, or what they say. I am trying to be proud of the body God gave me and maximize it's potential. Whether I have a layer of fat to hide behind or not, I'll have an ass and big boobs that attract attention. That's just a fact. I need to keep moving forward...right through the fear and insecurities.
So now you know. I really hadn't planned on baring my soul, but now I feel better. I'm coming to realize that unless I fix the issues that made me gain weight or throw in the towel countless other times, I won't be able to keep it off.
You see, this is what happens when I spend time inside my head...epiphany!
3 comments:
Don't freak out! Doesn't feeling good about yourself override what you think people are thinking of you. I just know that having a cute bod for your husband makes life seem so much happier. Keep goin' strong Tiff, you are almost there. I am so proud that you are working so hard at it and getting such good results. It is great though to have that time when you can just think and say I want this to be different this time.
Thanks sis :) I def. feel better now that I acknowledged part of the issue. It's a scary thing to admit though that for me it's not just that I was eating too much and didn't exercise. I was hiding. I don't want to hide anymore and screw it, I'm gonna get a cute bod :)
There you go! ;)
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