I.FEEL.GUILTY

I apologize in advance if this post turns into a rambling piece. I've been thinking a lot lately and wanting to get the chance to sit down and write, I just can't seem to find the time. Going back and reading my past few posts I'm actually a little embarrassed by my writing. It just doesn't flow (at least to me). So apologizes...
Anyway, part of the reason my blogging has suffered is exactly the reason for this post...GUILT. I'm struggling with this feeling of failure because I'm not SuperMom. I want to be able to do everything and I can't. Yes, I know that's insane and I'm driving myself nuts trying. I'm potty training and nursing, trying to keep the house clean, doing laundry, paying bills, doing the shopping, tracking my food, exercising, trying to be a loving wife and mother....YIKES the list goes on! And I feel guilty. When I take the time to stop and eat and track my food. When I take the time to exercise. When I take the time to blog! Taking time to do things for myself is hard because I KNOW there are other things I could be doing. The list of things is never ending!

On the bright side, I am taking the time, even though I feel guilty. I know it's important to take care of me so I can take care of everything else. It just gets overwhelming sometimes. And yeah, more often than not, it looks like a bomb exploded in some part of my house.
Only thing, I know some of it could be handled with better time management. So next week I'm going to try and get my exercise done before taking my daughter to school and see if that helps free up some time to get more things done. Right now it feels like I'm just spinning my wheels in certain areas (like taming the explosions).
Fingers crossed that it works...toes too for that matter! I don't want to feel guilty about taking my time...

I knew it!

I knew if I kept doing what I should, the scale would show me some L♥VE. And guess what? I was rewarded by a 4 lb drop from last Monday's weigh-in. YAY!
On the exercise front, Insanity workouts have entered their 4th week. My muscles are definitely getting more toned and I can push harder. Hubby is now thinking of joining in the "fun". I did miss Saturday's workout though because I just couldn't hang. The "Dig Deeper" mentality was completely missing- I started the DVD and was just too tired to go more than a couple minutes. I'm really trying to learn to listen to my body and my body told me I needed a break...3 weeks of working out 6 days a week caught up to me!
We took the kids to the Zoo yesterday and I am happy to report a NSV. I took healthy snacks (for everyone) and we avoided the snack bar completely. Another YAY!
Here's to a great week!

Haha...you aren't serious, are you??

I feel like my body is laughing at me. At my attempt to lose weight. I know that in reality it's just holding at this weight since I lost so much last week, but it's still frustrating to be doing what I need to and the scale doesn't move. I'm going to stay the course though. I know if I do the scale will give me the results I'm looking for. This past week I know I was doing more "picking" than normal so the goal this week is to cut that out. It wasn't a lot but I know the calories add up.
Off to workout...got one kiddo at school, another napping and the other plugged into his morning "Go Diego, Go". Mommy's time is short...gotta hop to it!
This weeks' mantra- Stay the course!

The magical fruit...

My newest obsession these days....beans! I love 'em! I love how I feel after eating them for lunch especially. They fill me up and keep me full and I have tons of energy. I've started making a big pot on Sundays and eating them about 4x a week for lunch. So freakin' good! (And good for you!)
Out of curiosity, I searched "health benefits of beans". I found this article toting 9 reasons why you should eat beans. One of the most interesting things I learned out of the article-

"The most popular theory of dieting and weight loss for decades has revolved around calories. Experts have loudly proclaimed that there is an immutable formula for calories in, calories out but, in fact, all calories are not the same because some calories require much more digestion than others. The harder your body has to work to digest those calories, the less of them will be absorbed. The difference between a spoonful of sugar and a spoonful of beans is startling. In fact, if you’d like to reduce your calorie “price” by 10%, add an extra 14 grams of fiber. This means that if you eat 2,000 calories per day, and add 28 grams of fiber to your meals, those calories will only “count” as 1600. Cool!"

I'm so IN! Who wouldn't want to have their body working harder for them? No brainer for me!

So tell me, are you a fan of beans? Have I given you "food for thought"?

Weigh-in and Super Bowl Wrap-up

This weeks' official weight-192.2 (that's a 5.6 lb drop from last Monday). Yee-haw! I'm .2 lbs away from my first official 10 lb mark. Oh yeah, and I dropped 3% body fat in the last month! Next week I'm really hoping to be down into the 180's.
If you read my previous post about my worries about Super Bowl, you'll be happy to hear that I did great. I didn't feel out of control, I ate moderately and enjoyed myself! I indulged in 2 beers but had figured that into my plan before hand. The "goodies"- homemade oreo ice cream cake, and homemade mac 'n' cheese- I ate 1 bite of. They were tasty but a bite was enough. I filled up on raw veggies from the veggie tray and some chili. I also ate a half a hamburger patty. I didn't trust myself to have any of the spinach dip and sourdough. Seeing the loss on the scale definitely encourages me to keep on the right path!
I started week 2 of Insanity today. This is actually working great with my schedule right now since I can do it at home when at least one kid is sleeping.
Happy Monday blogosphere! This week's motto- DO SOMETHING! (The irony- I saw it on a Dorito bag LOL)

A little scared...

Tomorrow is Super Bowl and poker...at my house. I've had a great week and I'm just a little worried about having junk around all day long. Usually I'm pretty good the day of an event, it's the days after when the leftovers get to me. I'm going to try and send stuff home with guests though. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know exercise helps keep me in the right mindset so I'll be back at Insanity first thing Monday. I'm very proud that I kept to the schedule and worked out 6 days this week. Today was the most difficult to get in the workout but I made it happen. Had to shoo the kids away a few times which broke the rhythm, but that's life.
I started out this week with the weight back up at 197.8. Depressing to say the least. This morning's weight was 193.6. Monday morning is my official weigh-in so I have even more incentive to be good. I think I'll change my middle name to "angel" tomorrow LOL. The nice thing about having a week of clean eating under my belt, the junk really doesn't taste as good and the cravings are way down. I'm optimistic about tomorrow since I'm starting to pinpoint triggers. No spinach dip and bread for me :)
Have a great Sunday everyone!

You should've seen his face...

My husband tries to be supportive of my weight loss efforts for the most part. He grumbles from time to about the time I spend blogging or tracking my food, but he goes with it. Last night though when he realized I was going to make meatloaf using ground TURKEY, he gave me this horrified look. It was actually pretty hilarious. You see, Wednesday nights are usually "Eat Out" night, but I had the turkey already thawed in the fridge. Meatloaf is something my mom made pretty regularly, but not something I generally do. It sounded fantastic but I wanted to try making a healthier version with the turkey. I had to promise the hubby that if it was terrible we could still eat out. The verdict- it was yummy! I paired it with steamed green beans and mashed califlower and VOILA! A twist on a "traditional" meal with these stats: Calories- 291, Fat-9, Carbs-29, Protein-25, Fiber-9. Not bad if I do say so myself.
So I'm curious, do you have a recipe you've converted to be healthier? How'd it turn out? I'm looking for suggestions people! Weight loss shouldn't be about eating salads 24/7. I want to eat good healthy foods. My newest obsession is beans...more on that topic in a future post.
What's your favorite new thing I need to try?

Calculate the BURN...

As you know, I've been tracking my calories using MyFitnessPal.com. I also track the calories I burn with exercise. MFP has handy shortcuts that allow you to use the "average" burned during specific exercises. While I think that's great, I'm also anal :) and want to track my actual numbers. So I found this handy little tool online. It allows you to input your heart rate etc.and gives you your calorie burn. Now I know you could do this with a heart rate monitor, but I'm cheap. So for any of you like me that don't want to spend the $, you can do it my way...