Walk Proud...

1) Pre workout: Bulletproof Coffee  2) Chicken thighs and brussel sprouts (finished the chicken at lunch)  3) Tritip, salad w/pumpkin seeds, sweet potato w/butter  4) Taco salad 

*not pictured- 3 dates smeared w/ghee* This was not the best choice, but I'm being honest. It was definitely an "emotionally" driven food choice. I wanted them for the pure deliciousness of dates and ghee. 

I haven't taken pictures of everything I've eaten lately, but here are the highlights.  I had some off days, but things have generally been pretty clean.  Striving for progress, not perfection...

1) Homemade "trail mix" w/banana  2) Post workout Green smoothie  3) Sausage & sautéed veggies  4) Eggs, melted leeks & apple  5) Chicken thigh lettuce wraps & olives  6) Black Coffee 

1) Bulletproof Coffee [once or twice a week I drink this, otherwise it's black]  2) Summer salad & tuna wrapped in nori  3) Tuna & jicama sticks  4) Sausage, spinach & 2 eggs  5) Berry & spinach smoothie  6) Eggs, sautéed veggies and strawberries 

I've been struggling off and on with an "I feel fat" mentality. There are days that are like that. I made a decision though to just walk a little straighter. Confidence is about more than how you're feeling. Walk proud, even if its hard some days... Head up, shoulders back and SMILE! You'll feel better, I know I did.

Now comes the fun part... Vacation. The kids get out of school on Thursday and we're hitting the road for a week. I'm going to bring good snacks to eat in the car, but I really don't know how the dinners and such will go. This is life, and reality.  I'll squeeze in exercise where I can, and not stress overly much. This is all about making the healthy choices, one decision at a time...

Have a great week!!

Just.Keep.Going.

My birthday threw me off last week.  Eating was all over the place.  I'd start my day off well but by 3-4 p.m. I was making poor choices and struggling.  Mother's Day actually ended up being a solid day (food-wise). I did drink a few vodkas, but I didn't over eat or go crazy.  I'm definitely noticing how important sleep is for me.  I didn't sleep well for several days after my birthday and noticed that I do not make the best food choices when I haven't slept enough. Part of my goals now is to make sure I'm getting enough ZZzzzz's.

As it turns out, life is full of situations that can throw you off track.  There will always be another holiday, vacation, birthday, social event.... Whatever.  How you deal with life and all the potential "pitfalls" determines your results. 

Here's a look at my food yesterday, if you're interested...

1) Black coffee  2) Lamb chop, brussel sprouts & an apple  3) Tuna, sardine and avocado nori rolls  4) "Kitchen sink" salad w/chicken thighs 

*not pictured- 1/2 apple, handful of raisins and a few dried pears eaten off my kiddo's plates*

Have a great day! 

Oh yeah..... Keep at it!!

Yeah, I ate that... the birthday edition

1) Black coffee  2) Eggs, chicken, kale & strawberries  3) Creamy broth (directions to follow) & roasted pumpkin seeds  4) Eggs, turnip greens, red potatoes (plus the leftover sausage from my kids plate)

To make the Creamy Broth I blend 2 raw egg yolks  and butter or ghee into a cup of hot broth.  It's delicious and a great way to amp up your bone broth!

1) BP Coffee & banana (pre workout)  2) Chicken, sweet potato, veggies & watermelon  3) Orange mineral water  4) Twice baked sweet potato & broccoli  5) Chocolate bar (shared with hubby), leftover semi-sweet chocolate from birthday treat making (smeared on the banana) + 3 dates stuffed with Sunbutter

Birthday eats: I didn't take pictures... I started the day with black coffee and a banana and a 6 mile run.  Lunch was a cheese burger w/fries. I had several rum & diet Pepsi drinks, ate a small slice of pizza and consumed a number of slices of cheesecake plus a couple "Salted Chocolate Cheesecake Truffles" that I made the day before.

Birthday foods are back off the table.  It was fun, I enjoyed myself immensely and now we're back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Food, a haircut & being happy...

1) Bulletproof Coffee  2) Burger & avocado  3) Chicken, broccoli salad, banana & coconut chips 4) Apple, sunbutter & salami   5) Sardines....eaten with 6) Balsamic glazed cabbage, mushroom & onions

1) Bulletproof Coffee  2) Chicken, asparagus & sweet potato w/butter  3) Bratwurst, cauliflower & caramelized onions

1) Black coffee  2) Chicken breast & leg, asparagus & banana  3) Banana & coconut chips 4) Chicken, broccoli & watermelon 

Things are rolling along quite nicely. I'm feeling MUCH better. Back out of the crazy head space. Breaking the cycle is always difficult for the first few days, but it definitely gets easier on day 4(ish), at least for me.  Making good choices doesn't seem as hard right now. It also helps that I'm focusing on health and not worrying about weight loss. Doing more little things that make me feel good is helping too.  Buying a flattering top, getting my hair done, exercising and regularly spending time in the sunshine all adds up to a happier, healthier me.

Rocking my fresh cut and color.  Definitely a mood booster! 

Be happy my friends! We only have one life...

Food and such...

I'll try to update my food every few days... I'm finding it helpful (for now) because it's really making me stop and think before I shove stuff in my mouth.  I'm not perfect, never claim to be.  With my birthday coming up you can expect some alcohol and treats to be popping up in the near future. Things have been solid though, since I'm being more mindful with my eating. Bonus, I feel better and definitely more in control!!

Here goes...

1) Bulletproof Coffee  2) Veggies sautéed in ghee, eggs, chicken & avocado  3) Burger & broccoli salad - I also ate a second plain patty because I was still hungry.

1) BP Coffee- 2 yolks, 2 Tbsp butter, 1Tbsp coconut oil (my normal "recipe")  2) Burger patties, broccoli salad, sweet potato mash & avocado 3) fresh coconut water & toasted coconut chips 4) chicken cooked in ghee plus green beans

Ain't she the cutest?

And here I am with my walking buddy.  We did 8 miles.  I got my long walk done for the week! Yay! Funniest quote of the day was from an older gentleman as I passed him "What are you doing... Like 90 mph!?".  No, not quite, but I do walk fast...

Happy Hump Day friends! Hope your week is off to a great start!

Oh yeah, and one more thing... Because I came across this on FB and love it!

Be you.  Whom ever that is.  Uniquely you...

Transparency & Accountability

Gah! I can't seem to keep focused.  I'm all over the place with my eating.  To help me get straightened out, I've decided to get honest as well as employing the guidelines from the last post.  If it goes in my mouth, you guys will know. For the next 30 days (maybe longer) I'm going to snap a picture and share my eats. That's one of the only sure-fire ways I know to keep myself accountable. I'm not doing a Whole30, but I am going to focus on eating whole foods and lots of veggies.  I'm not worried about my weight or weight-loss.  This is about dragging myself out of the current cycle.  I don't think I look bad, but I am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.  My clothes are feeling snug and the out of control feeling is messing with my head. This goes into the "Focus on Health" category.

Here's a quick recap of yesterday's food. I didn't take a picture of my pre workout BP Coffee and leftover steak I scarfed down... I hadn't made the decision to photograph my food yet. For any of you who aren't familiar with Bulletproof Coffee, Steph from Stupid Easy Paleo explains it much better than I....   

I was a little "fruit heavy", but otherwise it was a solid day...

My mid afternoon "treat" was bubbly and refreshing. 

 I woke up with a stiff lower back yesterday and by the time I finished my workout it was feeling worse.  I haven't dealt with back pain like this is quite a few years.  I'm going to soak in a Epsom salt bath and attempt to stretch it out with some yoga.  Hopefully that will help and I can get back to "normal".  Grrr.

Here's to great week!!

What do you think of my idea of nutritional transparency??

Relax Tiff and do the work!

I promised an update on my plan going forward. Before I get there, I'll delve a little more into the cycles I've been observing myself involved in.

Basically, I need to relax. I need to be okay with me.  Also, I need to grow a thicker skin so my feelings aren't bruised so easily.

Turns out I'm stressing myself out, a lot. Over big things, over little things.  And then I over eat.  And then I get frustrated and eat more.  Or I'm lonely/ my feelings are hurt which results in a binge. Or, I'm stuck in the mental comfort zone that comes with binge eating.  There is a definite sick "comfort" in binge eating, even as it makes me miserable long term. All that jacks up my stress hormones even further.  Which equals more binges.  And the cycle continues...

The bottom line, I've been over eating and binge eating... Chasing a dopamine release to get a moment of pleasure.  Really though, it's making things worse and reinforcing behaviors and pleasure pathways in my brain which I don't want to reinforce. After some serious thought I realized that I've been engaging in this type of behavior for YEARS. I've used food, alcohol and cigarettes at some point or other to soothe myself.  There have been less destructive periods, but this pattern keeps reoccurring.  Being aware of the behavior is a good first step! Making active, conscious, positive changes is next. 

So I looked at my current "coping" method and decided to frame some new personal guidelines to help me navigate the path going forward.  

- Keep consumption of dairy & sugar to a minimum. I love dairy but it doesn't love me. I've observed that dairy messes with my female hormones, big time.  When I'm regularly consuming dairy my PMS (especially depression/mood swings & cramping) is out of control which increases cravings for "happy foods". It's another vicious cycle.  My moods and overall health improve without dairy so it's kind of a no brainer to exclude it.  As for sugar... Do I really need to go over my reasons for excluding refined sugars? I hope not... But the short answer, it's unhealthy and causes me painful inflammation.

- Relax! Stop over thinking every part of my diet, especially in terms of pre/post workout nutrient timing.  Giving it some thought is fine, getting obsessively crazy is not okay.  JERF- Just Eat Real Food & KISS- Keep It Simple Stupid.  

- Do not eat while cooking dinner (this is my biggest binge time). I will stand at the cupboard and shove anything and everything in my face...usually very calorie dense foods. 

- Eat a balanced meal if I'm truly hungry.  I will make up a plate and sit and eat. Meals should have at least 1 serving of veggie, protein & fat. Possibly a carb if its appropriate. Again, I'm the queen of standing at the cupboard and shoveling the food in. Sitting and eating in a controlled fashion is important.

- Sleep more!!! The best way to hormonal health? Sleep.  Period. I need to sleep more to be healthy, happy, energetic & decrease stress. 

- When the urge to binge strikes... Go for a walk, call a friend or sit in the sunshine for 10 minutes.

-Focus on the positive and analyze the validity of my "feelings".  Chances are if I'm having negative thoughts about myself, they aren't true.  Reframing and putting it in perspective is helpful, instead of stuffing my feelings with food.


I think this list of guidelines will be helpful going forward.  Just sitting and writing this down has helped me clarify and focus on the next step.

Do you have any tricks or tips to help me out?  Something you think I left off the list? 

Get your walk on....

I've been trying to refocus on doing more healthy movement and things that make me happy. Sunshine and walking fit the bill. I also love to run, but I know walking is less stressful on my body and hormones.  

Twice this week I've done lengthy walks (8 & 9 miles). I'm going to work 1-2 long walks into my current weekly routine and then 3+ days of a more moderate distance (3-4 miles). 

If you're reading this, consider yourself challenged. Get walking... Work it into your weekly schedule. You don't have to get crazy, but move more and get outside and walk. You'll thank me... 

It's OKAY!!

I haven't posted since NOVEMBER! Yikes. That's bad. Sorry guys.  I've been figuring some things out, and it's not always easy to bare your soul for the world to read. I HAVE been journaling almost every day since my last post, I just haven't been making the time to blog.  Family life also keeps me pretty busy! I am very active on Instagram and MyFitnessPal though, so if you're curious what I've got going on, those are two places to find me: campi_mama is my user name.

So, bear with me while I play a little catch up on the past few months.  I've been training hard.  Strength has been top priority and my consistency is paying off and I've gotten significantly stronger. I've also been walking, doing HIIT, hill sprints and keeping active in general.  I took these shots the other day for a side-by-side comparison. 

The pictures on the left are from July 1st, 2013 when I was down around my lowest weight. The pictures on the right, are from a few days ago. Am I bigger? Yes.  Does the scale reflect that? Yes. Am I ok with it? Yes. (I'll get into that shortly).

I would be lying if I said that seeing the scale go up hasn't been difficult. However, I know that the majority of my gains are muscle. Yes, you also put on some fat when you "bulk", but building more muscle is what I was training for.  But let me be clear, this wasn't really an intentional bulk on my part. I was eating "clean" but not tracking my intake, just sticking to whole foods primarily (but eating A LOT).  I have also been falling back into my old binge cycle to deal with emotions & stress, which is unhealthy and I'm working on interrupting that cycle. The only thing that's saved me is that I HAVE been training so hard. 

Currently I'm reading this book and working on my body image & confidence issues.

  Breaking away from the perfect body/perfect weight mindset is hard.  Accepting that we're all unique and have different shapes, sizes, flaws and imperfections is tough when everywhere we look we're bombarded with a new crash diet or another photoshopped image of beauty.  Stefani does a good job empowering females to be healthy and and I love that about the book.  I listened to her interview on the Balanced Bites podcast  and hearing her talk about her own issues with body acceptance was enlightening. My takeaway from it.... There will be good days and bad days.  It's a never ending process.  I guess I somehow imagined that one day I would look in the mirror and say "BOOM! I made it". The truth is, it's going to be a lifelong process, a journey. Every time I have a "setback", it's an opportunity for personal growth.  I will have "ahh-ha" moments and they will all build on each other to make me stronger and smarter down the road.  

The new goals I have are based on living in authenticity.  Wherever I am in any given moment, IT'S OKAY!!!  It's ALL okay. There will be ups & downs, detours, backtracks and amazing moments.  And wherever I am, I can accept that I'm doing the best I can.  That doesn't mean to give up. That means I will keep pushing, keep working every day to be the HEALTHIEST version of myself....mentally and physically.  

Where do I go from here? Forward.  Always forward...  

Stay tuned because I'll be back with my updated game plan and new goals!