So, bear with me while I play a little catch up on the past few months. I've been training hard. Strength has been top priority and my consistency is paying off and I've gotten significantly stronger. I've also been walking, doing HIIT, hill sprints and keeping active in general. I took these shots the other day for a side-by-side comparison.
The pictures on the left are from July 1st, 2013 when I was down around my lowest weight. The pictures on the right, are from a few days ago. Am I bigger? Yes. Does the scale reflect that? Yes. Am I ok with it? Yes. (I'll get into that shortly).
I would be lying if I said that seeing the scale go up hasn't been difficult. However, I know that the majority of my gains are muscle. Yes, you also put on some fat when you "bulk", but building more muscle is what I was training for. But let me be clear, this wasn't really an intentional bulk on my part. I was eating "clean" but not tracking my intake, just sticking to whole foods primarily (but eating A LOT). I have also been falling back into my old binge cycle to deal with emotions & stress, which is unhealthy and I'm working on interrupting that cycle. The only thing that's saved me is that I HAVE been training so hard.
Currently I'm reading this book and working on my body image & confidence issues.
Breaking away from the perfect body/perfect weight mindset is hard. Accepting that we're all unique and have different shapes, sizes, flaws and imperfections is tough when everywhere we look we're bombarded with a new crash diet or another photoshopped image of beauty. Stefani does a good job empowering females to be healthy and and I love that about the book. I listened to her interview on the Balanced Bites podcast and hearing her talk about her own issues with body acceptance was enlightening. My takeaway from it.... There will be good days and bad days. It's a never ending process. I guess I somehow imagined that one day I would look in the mirror and say "BOOM! I made it". The truth is, it's going to be a lifelong process, a journey. Every time I have a "setback", it's an opportunity for personal growth. I will have "ahh-ha" moments and they will all build on each other to make me stronger and smarter down the road.
The new goals I have are based on living in authenticity. Wherever I am in any given moment, IT'S OKAY!!! It's ALL okay. There will be ups & downs, detours, backtracks and amazing moments. And wherever I am, I can accept that I'm doing the best I can. That doesn't mean to give up. That means I will keep pushing, keep working every day to be the HEALTHIEST version of myself....mentally and physically.
Where do I go from here? Forward. Always forward...
Stay tuned because I'll be back with my updated game plan and new goals!