I will keep fighting....always.

I'm going to say a quick "Thanks" to Jeanette for checking in on me.  Things have been all over the place.  I've been struggling mentally, which spreads out to all other areas....sleep, food, exercise.

I feel inadequate. I feel invisible.  I feel unimportant. I feel sad and lonely. And I feel stupid for feeling these things because I DO have a good life. 

I am trying.  I know that cleaning up my diet (again) will be one the things that helps me feel better.  Tomorrow I start another Whole30. I'm actually thinking a Whole60 is in order since 30 days doesn't seem to be long enough to undo my disordered thinking.  I've got to get out of the binge cycle.  I've got to stop obsessing about my food and percentages of fat/protein/carbs.  I've got to stop sabatoging myself when I get on the scale and see progress.

I'll just keep battling my demons.

I won't give up.

For those of you who have read my blog for a while, I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record and you've heard this all before.  Bear with me.  

Before I go, I'll leave you with a few pictures from our family vacation.  

One of my favorite shots!

Interesting flower....

Sunrise.

Be thankful for what you have.  Smile.  Be unique.  Keep moving forward...

Mmmm, fat...

Thought I'd give you guys a peek at some of the foods I've been eating.  These are highlights from the past few days...

Did you notice? Lots of fat. LOTS.OF.FAT.  I find this works best for me when I am "detoxing" from sugar/carb overload.  The coconut chips are something new I found at Sprouts this week.  I love them! Plus, they'll be great for our upcoming family road trip vacation.

Yesterday I allowed a little fruit back in.  The scale is almost back down to it's pre-craziness level, after a 10 lb jump. Yes, you read that right... I said 10 lbs!!!  I know that most of it wasn't "actual" weight gain, but seeing that type of massive gain is incredibly demoralizing. I'm still feeling a bit bloated but I figure a few more days off dairy + continued progress on cleaning up my food and I'll be feeling tip-top again.  

Now, I must get going.  I'm taking the kids on a little hiking adventure... Have a great weekend folks!

Back in the groove & fitness goals...

Sooooo, yeah, I had a few rough days.  Turns out the peach cobbler I made and ate on the 5th was not the best idea. Two consecutive days of sweets (on the 4th & 5th) was enough to trigger some significant sugar cravings. I ate cleanly all day on the 6th (Saturday) until the kids went to bed... then I was on the prowl for sugar.  Turns out we had salt water taffy in the cupboard and hubby had brought home a loaf of blueberry banana bread. Can you guess what I ate?  UGH. And then Sunday was carb-o-palooza. Monday was clean, until evening again when I ate my weight in snickerdoodles. (Apparently it's the worst idea ever to let the kids talk me into making cookies when I'm struggling with sugar). Duh.

Tuesday & Wednesday I went low carb as that is the only thing I know to help me lock things back down. I'm definitely feeling better after two days of lower carb eating.  Today's goal is to eat more non starchy veggies. Tomorrow I'll cut dairy again. 

Yesterday afternoon I sat down and set some new fitness goals.  Low carb & goal planning are generally keys for me getting back in the groove.  So here are the new goals. 

Fitness Goals:

- Perform 10 pistol squats (each leg)

- Perform 5 pull-ups 

- Perform 50 military style push-ups

- Increase box jump to 28"

- Run 3 mi- sub 22:20 

I am going to focus on two (the pistol squats & push-ups) before moving on.  I think these goals are ambitious, but not unattainable.  I reworked my exercise routine and tailored it to the goals. After I've mastered the pistols & push-ups, I'll move on to the pull-ups & box jumps.  Shaving approx 1 min off my 3 mile run time will be an ongoing thing.

If you're curious about the pistol squat, here is a link to the progression plan I plan on following...

For the push-ups, I will be using the 100 push-up plan.

What do you do to get back on track??

Do you have fitness goals you're working toward?

July Eats...

Here's a look at my eats for July so far...

Pretty typical...

Heat wave continued... Banana & peach sorbet hit the spot!!

I enjoyed the holiday, ate what what appealed to me, without going crazy...

I really tried to follow my hunger cues.  I wasn't very hungry so it was a pretty light day on food.  The kids wanted to bake & we had a bunch of peaches that needed to be used, so the peach cobbler was created. I wasn't going to have any, but it sounded really good.  I savored and truly enjoyed it, without guilt.

Today I'll clean it back up a little. I know I can't do treats very often because it becomes a bad habit, so I've got to focus on making clean(er) choices for a few days.

Hope your month is off to a great start!

Independence Day...

Happy Fourth of July !!!

I hope you have a lovely day.  

God Bless America.

Comparison Shots

Here are my comparison shots from June 1st & July 1st. Not a drastic change, but I feel 1,000x better today than on June 1st...

Wrapping up "Clean it up June"...

June is over. I managed 30 days of pretty clean eating.  I made some big strides analyzing personal triggers and pretty much cut the emotional & mindless eating.  

The last 2 days were a bit sub-optimal. I'm cutting myself a little slack though.  First, it's incredibly hot here in central California. Second, TOM. 

My body is not loving the 108*+ weather. I am retaining water like crazy.  I'm going to just keep plugging along... 

I may have to cut way back on the raw nuts. I struggle with portion control. I do better with the raw nuts than nut butters, but it's still not an optimal choice. I especially struggle to eat them in moderation as it gets close to TOM. 

The nuts were back on Day 29. And then I ate the sorbet. Really though, it's frozen bananas and strawberries blended together with some water. Is it the end of the world? No. I just have to be careful eating those types of possible triggering foods. I wasn't craving ice cream, I just wanted something cold and refreshing.

A little light on the veggies, and heavy on the fruit. Plus, more nuts.  Vegetables & protein will be my number one focus this week, especially with the holiday coming. 

Hope your weekend was great! Here's to a great week ahead.