Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Living in Acceptance

I've been doing a lot of thinking.


When I started this blog I had a lot of weight to lose, I had a lot of issues to explore and I was definitely uneducated in terms of exercise and nutrition.  

To be honest, I don't really feel like I have much to share these days.  I have good days, I have bad days, but in the end I know my body and I know what I have to do if I get "off track".  I exercise pretty consistently and in a way that works for me.  This is my life and I'm enjoying living a healthy one. To be honest, the blog has become a distraction in my life instead of a tool.  Thinking about what I should write about is a chore instead of something I enjoy.  That's why I just dropped off the blogging radar. Right now, I want to live.

That brings me back to the title of this post, "Living in acceptance".  I know I need to work on the acceptance area. I've been trying hard.  Here's MY truth: my boobs sag, my stomach is floppy and saggy, I have a thicker, more muscular build AND IT'S OKAY!!! I don't need to focus or stress on all my imperfections. No one is perfect and I don't think we should ever strive to be.  I am more than what can be quantified by the scale or looking at the outside.  I have worked hard to get to where I am and I am proud of the changes I have made.  And I should be proud of it.

No amount of exercise or diet will change the loose saggy skin I have. Surgery could, but that's not something I'm interested in doing.  My basic build cannot be changed without having different parents (and that's never going to happen, plus- I like them).  I can continue my exercise regimen and make some body composition changes, but I'll still have powerful legs, well developed glutes and strong shoulders.  My rib cage isn't getting any smaller either.  

That is how I'm built.  That is how I was created.  I am strong, inside and out, and I look good. I feel good. I am healthy.  Admitting to myself (and you ) that those things are true is difficult for me.  

Accepting myself as a beautiful, strong woman "feels" conceited. I was raised and taught to be humble.  It feels bad to acknowledge my progress.  But I will not diminish myself by shrugging off the glaring truth.  I have transformed.  It's okay to dislike the loose skin I have, but I need to stop letting the reality of it affect how I view myself.  Who freaking cares?  There are bigger things in life to worry about than if anyone noticed the lower belly "pooch" caused by hanging skin.  Confidence is not about having a perfect body.  Confidence is something else entirely, and I feel like I'm finally finding mine.

I posted this picture on Instagram and Facebook on November 1st, as a way to remind myself not to dive head first into the leftover candy from Halloween.  I was flabbergasted and embarrassed by the response it got. 
Yup, I was embarrassed.  Two days later I was still trying to analyze why.  I think it goes back to the pride/conceit/humility thing.  Dealing with compliments has always been difficult for me though.  So I'm trying to change my response.  I'm striving to live in a place of acceptance and pride AND humility... It's time to let go of the baggage.  I am enough, no matter what my outside looks like.  If I lose 10 more pounds, if I have saggy skin, I love me, in all of my imperfections.

I realize too, that somewhere along the way I've lost some of "me". Spunky, sassy, independent, positive, upbeat, silly, happy me.  It's easy to get mired in the minutiae that is everyday life.  It's going to take some concentration, effort and retraining to get it back.  I'm working hard on my reactions, my mood, my thought processes.  The results have been positive thus far.  

So where does that leave me?  Still in need of some work, but with more understanding of where my focus should be.  I want continue to be healthy & happy.  Everything else is just icing on the cake.  Our uniqueness is what makes us special and individual.  So I'm off to be me in all my beautiful imperfectness! The fate of this blog is still to be determined.  It has been a huge part of my transformation and I hate to abandon it.  I do want each and every one of you to understand though how much I appreciate your support and encouragement! 

As always, keep moving forward...


Jeanette said...

Love that you are finding your confidence, finding it acceptable to enjoy the benefits your hard work (like compliments!)!... I do find it hard still to 100% accept the new me, it's all a long long process. I would have had years to work on understanding and accepting this body if I hadn't been obese for most of my life. Instead, I've only had the last several years!

Blogging changes meaning for people over time, use it in any way that makes you happy and successful!!

Deniz said...

What a super, and very timely, post!

I too find it a little tough accepting the 'what is' as I admit I dislike my baggy, saggy bits and wish for (daydream about?) the young, toned body I maybe could have enjoyed if only I'd come to my senses decades sooner. At 54 though, that ain't going to happen!

You are so right though - health and happiness are the most important things. I must take pride in the good things achieved and be confident in my current skin (even if it's a bit loose)... and I need too learn not to cringe at compliments.

Sabrina said...

So glad you are accepting!!!!!! That makes me happy!!! You need this last step on so many levels!!! ��

Jess @ PaleoJess said...

Great post, you really put things in such a truthful way. That's what I love about your blog. I've unplugged too. I'm sad and I need to get myself back on track emotionally first. I'm almost there.