Sunday morning I got up, ran 2 miles, did some chores and then decided I needed to go shopping. What did I need? A pair of jeans. Seriously, it's December and I'm running around in capris because I don't have any pants that fit. So off to the thrift store I went...cause I really don't want to pay $30+ for a pair of jeans that I'm not going to wear for very long (because I AM going to lose this extra weight). This was probably not the most brilliant plan I've ever had. Why you ask? It was a bit more of a "reality check" than I was prepared for. I ended up walking out with nothing, barely keeping it together. On the way home I was practically in tears a couple times. By the time I made it home I thought I had it together. Unfortunately, I didn't. I ended up standing in the kitchen just bawling. Part of it I'm sure was hormones and a little sleep deprivation (hey, 3 week old baby in the house). The other part was pure frustration, disgust and any other emotional upheaval you want to throw in there.
My poor husband. He's being so supportive. That's almost part of the problem. Hearing that he'll love me either way & that I didn't gain it overnight and won't lose it overnight...not really helpful when you're in angst. But I know he's trying. He's trying to help me and for that I'm grateful.
I've avoided blogging about the shopping trip for the past few days because I was wallowing... and eating. Like that's gonna do anything but make it worse. Time to pull it back together. Rome wasn't built in a day right? I need to accept the way my body looks right now and make the changes necessary to fix the things that are bothering me. The fact is, I've had 3 kids and gained large amounts of weight each time. But I lost it after the last two, I can do it again. I just need to give myself the time to do it though. And right now my priority is nursing by little pumpkin. I need to give myself the time to figure out the right formula so I don't lose my milk (I had a couple days of low supply due to not eating quite enough).
So I've made peace with the fact that my body looks the way it does right now and I'm going to go buy a pair of jeans that works for me. Hopefully I won't have to wear them for long! :)