Monday, February 4, 2013

That is Life...

Ahhh, Monday used to be my Day 1, again and again.  How many times have you said "Screw it. I'll start again on Monday"?  I think all of us have done that many, many times.  I used to "screw up" and that would morph into a downward spiral of shoving anything and everything in my pie hole. For days or even weeks I would be out of control. The scale would bounce up, I would feel like crap, then I would eat more crap. Rinse and repeat.  Honestly, it's a tough cycle to break.  As much as you hate it, there's a part that's almost comforted by the cycle too.
Yesterday was Superbowl.  Niners (my team) lost.  I was surrounded by junk food and alcohol.  It would have been easy to eat everything in sight and get a little buzzed.  Instead, I went for a 10 mile bike ride before the party as a buffer, ate a healthy breakfast, and ate moderately at the party itself.  I stuck to my desicion not to drink and I'm very proud of how I handled yesterday.  I even ate a doughnut.  But I logged what I ate and don't feel guilty about it. 
Before you start thinking easy for her to say.... it's not.  It's taken a lot to get to this point.
Last Sunday I made the decision to have a "cheat day".  I ate anything and everything I wanted on that one day (including a lot of cheesecake), but then I went back to my routine the next day.  I just felt like I needed a break. And that was okay.
My eating the next day was spot-on.  Then.... Monday evening my husband made a very large purchase for himself without discussing it with me.  To say I was upset would be putting it mildly.  Tuesday my emotions were all over the place and I fell back on the "food as comfort" mechanism.  And I let myself wallow. Hubby came home from work and I asked him hear me out.  I purged all the emotion I was holding onto.  His reaction was "There's no excuse blah, blah, blah".   I had to ask him to just listen to me while I told tell him how I felt.  And he did.  I didn't hold onto the emotion like I would've in the past.  That's a big step for me.
Wednesday morning I got up and made myself a massive power smoothie and moved on.  Two "off" days out of three used to send me off the rails completely.  I would say "Screw it! I'll start again on Monday" and proceed to eat garbage and binge. 

In real life there will be good days and bad.  There will be fights with your spouse and parties and days where you just feel like eating a lot.  That is life.  THAT is a distinction I have never made in the past.  This process has opened up a whole new perception for me.  It goes back to balance. It goes back to being more consistent with my good habits and indulging from time to time, and then moving on...
It's amazing how freeing this one concept is.  And it feels good to be living a generally healthy life.  If you noticed, I didn't post a weigh-in last Thursday.  I took a break from the scale. In the grand scheme, the number is just a part of the whole. The number does not define how I feel about the progress I've made.  I am strong, I am fit and I am healthy.  That is what is important.  And guess what? As soon I stopped stressing about the scale, it dropped.  lol


Kristen @ Change of Pace said...

I really really wish we lived closer. You and I are too much alike. I too hold most things in. My husband and I have actually struggled with it quite a bit. He's a talker and I'm an ignorer.

I think accepting that there will always be "those days" is a HUGE step emotionally. There will always be crappy days. There will always be parties. There will always be situations where your nutritional judgement will be challenged. Always always. You can't say just this once or only on these days because those days and moments aren't the last ones.

You are amazingly strong and so aware of yourself. Definitely an inspiration to me :)

Anonymous said...

I was glad to read that even after losing lots of weight it's still sometimes easy to get off track...but you don't stay there. I think that's why I put it back on...I stay there. But you moved on and back to "doing it". This is something I need to remember when the time comes.

Tiffany Campiotti said...

@Kristen- I too wish we we lived closer! That would be fun :) Thanks for the kind words...
@Scribbles- absolutely. This is probably the most important key for me. I used to do the same, get off track and then just stay there instead of just brushing off and getting back to it.