Relax Tiff and do the work!

I promised an update on my plan going forward. Before I get there, I'll delve a little more into the cycles I've been observing myself involved in.

Basically, I need to relax. I need to be okay with me.  Also, I need to grow a thicker skin so my feelings aren't bruised so easily.

Turns out I'm stressing myself out, a lot. Over big things, over little things.  And then I over eat.  And then I get frustrated and eat more.  Or I'm lonely/ my feelings are hurt which results in a binge. Or, I'm stuck in the mental comfort zone that comes with binge eating.  There is a definite sick "comfort" in binge eating, even as it makes me miserable long term. All that jacks up my stress hormones even further.  Which equals more binges.  And the cycle continues...

The bottom line, I've been over eating and binge eating... Chasing a dopamine release to get a moment of pleasure.  Really though, it's making things worse and reinforcing behaviors and pleasure pathways in my brain which I don't want to reinforce. After some serious thought I realized that I've been engaging in this type of behavior for YEARS. I've used food, alcohol and cigarettes at some point or other to soothe myself.  There have been less destructive periods, but this pattern keeps reoccurring.  Being aware of the behavior is a good first step! Making active, conscious, positive changes is next. 

So I looked at my current "coping" method and decided to frame some new personal guidelines to help me navigate the path going forward.  

- Keep consumption of dairy & sugar to a minimum. I love dairy but it doesn't love me. I've observed that dairy messes with my female hormones, big time.  When I'm regularly consuming dairy my PMS (especially depression/mood swings & cramping) is out of control which increases cravings for "happy foods". It's another vicious cycle.  My moods and overall health improve without dairy so it's kind of a no brainer to exclude it.  As for sugar... Do I really need to go over my reasons for excluding refined sugars? I hope not... But the short answer, it's unhealthy and causes me painful inflammation.

- Relax! Stop over thinking every part of my diet, especially in terms of pre/post workout nutrient timing.  Giving it some thought is fine, getting obsessively crazy is not okay.  JERF- Just Eat Real Food & KISS- Keep It Simple Stupid.  

- Do not eat while cooking dinner (this is my biggest binge time). I will stand at the cupboard and shove anything and everything in my face...usually very calorie dense foods. 

- Eat a balanced meal if I'm truly hungry.  I will make up a plate and sit and eat. Meals should have at least 1 serving of veggie, protein & fat. Possibly a carb if its appropriate. Again, I'm the queen of standing at the cupboard and shoveling the food in. Sitting and eating in a controlled fashion is important.

- Sleep more!!! The best way to hormonal health? Sleep.  Period. I need to sleep more to be healthy, happy, energetic & decrease stress. 

- When the urge to binge strikes... Go for a walk, call a friend or sit in the sunshine for 10 minutes.

-Focus on the positive and analyze the validity of my "feelings".  Chances are if I'm having negative thoughts about myself, they aren't true.  Reframing and putting it in perspective is helpful, instead of stuffing my feelings with food.


I think this list of guidelines will be helpful going forward.  Just sitting and writing this down has helped me clarify and focus on the next step.

Do you have any tricks or tips to help me out?  Something you think I left off the list? 

Get your walk on....

I've been trying to refocus on doing more healthy movement and things that make me happy. Sunshine and walking fit the bill. I also love to run, but I know walking is less stressful on my body and hormones.  

Twice this week I've done lengthy walks (8 & 9 miles). I'm going to work 1-2 long walks into my current weekly routine and then 3+ days of a more moderate distance (3-4 miles). 

If you're reading this, consider yourself challenged. Get walking... Work it into your weekly schedule. You don't have to get crazy, but move more and get outside and walk. You'll thank me... 

It's OKAY!!

I haven't posted since NOVEMBER! Yikes. That's bad. Sorry guys.  I've been figuring some things out, and it's not always easy to bare your soul for the world to read. I HAVE been journaling almost every day since my last post, I just haven't been making the time to blog.  Family life also keeps me pretty busy! I am very active on Instagram and MyFitnessPal though, so if you're curious what I've got going on, those are two places to find me: campi_mama is my user name.

So, bear with me while I play a little catch up on the past few months.  I've been training hard.  Strength has been top priority and my consistency is paying off and I've gotten significantly stronger. I've also been walking, doing HIIT, hill sprints and keeping active in general.  I took these shots the other day for a side-by-side comparison. 

The pictures on the left are from July 1st, 2013 when I was down around my lowest weight. The pictures on the right, are from a few days ago. Am I bigger? Yes.  Does the scale reflect that? Yes. Am I ok with it? Yes. (I'll get into that shortly).

I would be lying if I said that seeing the scale go up hasn't been difficult. However, I know that the majority of my gains are muscle. Yes, you also put on some fat when you "bulk", but building more muscle is what I was training for.  But let me be clear, this wasn't really an intentional bulk on my part. I was eating "clean" but not tracking my intake, just sticking to whole foods primarily (but eating A LOT).  I have also been falling back into my old binge cycle to deal with emotions & stress, which is unhealthy and I'm working on interrupting that cycle. The only thing that's saved me is that I HAVE been training so hard. 

Currently I'm reading this book and working on my body image & confidence issues.

  Breaking away from the perfect body/perfect weight mindset is hard.  Accepting that we're all unique and have different shapes, sizes, flaws and imperfections is tough when everywhere we look we're bombarded with a new crash diet or another photoshopped image of beauty.  Stefani does a good job empowering females to be healthy and and I love that about the book.  I listened to her interview on the Balanced Bites podcast  and hearing her talk about her own issues with body acceptance was enlightening. My takeaway from it.... There will be good days and bad days.  It's a never ending process.  I guess I somehow imagined that one day I would look in the mirror and say "BOOM! I made it". The truth is, it's going to be a lifelong process, a journey. Every time I have a "setback", it's an opportunity for personal growth.  I will have "ahh-ha" moments and they will all build on each other to make me stronger and smarter down the road.  

The new goals I have are based on living in authenticity.  Wherever I am in any given moment, IT'S OKAY!!!  It's ALL okay. There will be ups & downs, detours, backtracks and amazing moments.  And wherever I am, I can accept that I'm doing the best I can.  That doesn't mean to give up. That means I will keep pushing, keep working every day to be the HEALTHIEST version of myself....mentally and physically.  

Where do I go from here? Forward.  Always forward...  

Stay tuned because I'll be back with my updated game plan and new goals! 

Routine

I'm big on routine.  I like routine. I thrive on routine...

Just over a month ago I started a new morning routine, and I love it.

Every morning I sit, drink my coffee and write in my notebook.  I evaluate how I'm feeling, what things I might need to focus on and I rewrite my short term & mid length goals.  I also write my to-do list.  

It's been a great tool to help me focus.  If I'm having a rough afternoon I reread my goals because it reminds me of my "why". 

Find the things that will help you be successful!

Have a great day!  Have a great week! 

As always, keep moving forward....

Out of my comfort zone...

So I've been contemplating cutting my hair for a while.  When it gets longer all I ever do is put it up and it was feeling damaged at the ends.  My husband suggested I go for it and do a short pixie.  So I went for it!

By the time I got home I was in a little bit of meltdown.  I've never had this much anxiety over my hair.  It grows. Nothing's permanent.  I know that, but I was still really stressed. I've made drastic changes before so it's not like this is really far outside my comfort zone, but for whatever reason this time was hard!!

Now that I'm a few days out I'm better.  I've gotten some really nice feedback.  I'm glad I went for it.  I think part of the reason I freaked out was because you can't chop this much hair off and have people not notice.  Having attention focused on me is freaking uncomfortable!!! 

Moral of the story.... Push yourself outside your comfort zone once in a while!  Go for it. 

Living in Acceptance

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

A. LOT.

When I started this blog I had a lot of weight to lose, I had a lot of issues to explore and I was definitely uneducated in terms of exercise and nutrition.  

To be honest, I don't really feel like I have much to share these days.  I have good days, I have bad days, but in the end I know my body and I know what I have to do if I get "off track".  I exercise pretty consistently and in a way that works for me.  This is my life and I'm enjoying living a healthy one. To be honest, the blog has become a distraction in my life instead of a tool.  Thinking about what I should write about is a chore instead of something I enjoy.  That's why I just dropped off the blogging radar. Right now, I want to live.

That brings me back to the title of this post, "Living in acceptance".  I know I need to work on the acceptance area. I've been trying hard.  Here's MY truth: my boobs sag, my stomach is floppy and saggy, I have a thicker, more muscular build AND IT'S OKAY!!! I don't need to focus or stress on all my imperfections. No one is perfect and I don't think we should ever strive to be.  I am more than what can be quantified by the scale or looking at the outside.  I have worked hard to get to where I am and I am proud of the changes I have made.  And I should be proud of it.

No amount of exercise or diet will change the loose saggy skin I have. Surgery could, but that's not something I'm interested in doing.  My basic build cannot be changed without having different parents (and that's never going to happen, plus- I like them).  I can continue my exercise regimen and make some body composition changes, but I'll still have powerful legs, well developed glutes and strong shoulders.  My rib cage isn't getting any smaller either.  

That is how I'm built.  That is how I was created.  I am strong, inside and out, and I look good. I feel good. I am healthy.  Admitting to myself (and you ) that those things are true is difficult for me.  

Accepting myself as a beautiful, strong woman "feels" conceited. I was raised and taught to be humble.  It feels bad to acknowledge my progress.  But I will not diminish myself by shrugging off the glaring truth.  I have transformed.  It's okay to dislike the loose skin I have, but I need to stop letting the reality of it affect how I view myself.  Who freaking cares?  There are bigger things in life to worry about than if anyone noticed the lower belly "pooch" caused by hanging skin.  Confidence is not about having a perfect body.  Confidence is something else entirely, and I feel like I'm finally finding mine.

I posted this picture on Instagram and Facebook on November 1st, as a way to remind myself not to dive head first into the leftover candy from Halloween.  I was flabbergasted and embarrassed by the response it got. 

Yup, I was embarrassed.  Two days later I was still trying to analyze why.  I think it goes back to the pride/conceit/humility thing.  Dealing with compliments has always been difficult for me though.  So I'm trying to change my response.  I'm striving to live in a place of acceptance and pride AND humility... It's time to let go of the baggage.  I am enough, no matter what my outside looks like.  If I lose 10 more pounds, if I have saggy skin, I love me, in all of my imperfections.

I realize too, that somewhere along the way I've lost some of "me". Spunky, sassy, independent, positive, upbeat, silly, happy me.  It's easy to get mired in the minutiae that is everyday life.  It's going to take some concentration, effort and retraining to get it back.  I'm working hard on my reactions, my mood, my thought processes.  The results have been positive thus far.  

So where does that leave me?  Still in need of some work, but with more understanding of where my focus should be.  I want continue to be healthy & happy.  Everything else is just icing on the cake.  Our uniqueness is what makes us special and individual.  So I'm off to be me in all my beautiful imperfectness! The fate of this blog is still to be determined.  It has been a huge part of my transformation and I hate to abandon it.  I do want each and every one of you to understand though how much I appreciate your support and encouragement! 

As always, keep moving forward...

"I like me" Monday....

Time for another "ILM" Monday. Last week I missed it, sorry. I decided I needed a break. No blogging, no Facebook, no Instagram, no MyFitnessPal. I unplugged, and it was nice. I actually wanted to go longer, but got a friend request on Saturday evening. That sucked me back in lol.

Anyway, I'm plugging along.  My food hasn't been super clean, but it hasn't been crazy either. I'm going to work on cleaning it up again this week.  More than that though, I feel like I need to get back into beast mode with my workouts. I'll keep you posted. My weight is maintaining in the normal range, which is what I want (most of the time). I keep fighting with myself about losing more weight.... You really don't want to be in my head sometimes.

Anyway, on to the main event...

My "ILM" highlight for this Monday.... My hair. Some may think I don't like my hair because I change it often, but I actually really like my hair.  I also like variety, which is why I change it. My hair grows really quickly, which means that changing it and playing with different styles and colors is no biggy. 

Your turn!  What do you like about yourself?? Share, share, share away!

Here's to a great week... As always, keep moving forward.